no unintentional intentions.

Me. I turn on 21 January 7, 2009. I am a sunny island native stuck in a place that snows.

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Baking . MOre Baking . SleepOver . Easter!

I know i look like i cant bake nor did i do very well in home economics. I mean like tan geok lian is permanently under the illusion that i cannot crack an egg. And she gave b4 to a person whom she thinks cannot crack an egg. How kind.. maybe the b4 was to reward me for wearing the apron and headgear thingy which made us look like milkmaids. And that reminds me, she penalised me during the grading because my socks were not to her liking. seriously, she should get a life. where's the relation between socks and culinary skills?

But hello~ If both my partner and I cannot crack eggs, then where did our omelette, swiss roll and pastry come from? Maybe we threw the eggs in and mashed them up together with everything else. Great! More protein right? sometimes, i just cannot believe her stupidity. ok wait, i dont think its sometimes, its all times.

Back to the point about baking. I wanted to bake some cookies for the classmates who were leaving nj because everyone is buying presents for them and I am too broke to do the same.
Hence, sou and i baked some on a weekend. cheap and original.

Anyway, I kindly offered alfred a cookie because he happened to be around. I mean the cookies were kinda hard but are essentially tasty rocks la.. He looked at it with contempt before putting it into his mouth. After breaking it into smaller pieces rather forcefully with his molars he said
that they were quite nice. Feeling quite comforted, I told them I made them myself. His mouth was slightly ajar for the next few seconds.

AL: "You make yourself ar? You know how to bake meh?"

Do i even look incapable of producing rock hard cookies?

I have been baking alot lately. Last saturday afternoon, sou came over to bake again cause she needed to bring food on an og outing. After that, I went to chong's house to stay over. Shuheng, chong, chong's sis and I baked into the wee hours. Furthermore, not in chong's house but her neighbour's house because the oven broke down. The mixer broke down too. But the cookies were great! The neighbour's oven rocks! It even has this fan in it to dry the cookies. a fan within an oven. woah.

We barely had enough sleep because we went for st. james church service on sunday morning. They have this easter programme and chong's elder sis is dancing. I was too sleepy to concentrate much though. All I remember was that I felt like an alien cause i was wearing shorts and everyone else was in skirts and jeans. Fortunately, my shorts were long enough be classified under decent.

Chong's mum joined the beginner yoga course and my mum is in the intermediate. Its at the same place and same timing but different coach i think. My mum told me to take up yoga. I might just become chong's mum's classmate. argh confusin.

Orientation Day 2

The og was made up of mostly rvians this time. As many as almost half. I think it was due to the fact that clarice is the ogl and she is an rvian too. lolx. Anyway, the rvians include clarice, mavis, yanru, amy, chewy, mag, yuern, daniel, yanshun, dianyang, jonathan, yingcong and me! The rest include what that was left of s04, which is about 12 people, 4 prcs who are here on an exchange programme and justin from tchs. He is more like an rvian anyway. hahax.

Station games were quite fun. We competed against the canoeists og in one of the station games called over the hill. The canoeists went up the slope outside the bandroom effortlessly. We had fun on our side too, we were virtually pulled up the slope and all we had to do was to move our feet.Thanks to our macho men. On my way up, I stepped on this really hard piece of rock and was bruised at the heel. And i went barefooted most of the time that i never noticed that i cut my heel too. I thought skin is thickest there?

When we were at clarice's station, the revised captain's ball, we got to know what was really a mad game of captain's ball. 3 balls played at the same time, combined with mad teammates who threw the balls across half of the playing court to chewy. I thought the passes looked more like attacks. lolx. the tennis ball flew over like it was softball.

At the electric wire station, yanshun carried every girl over. Thanks to him that we finished that. No simple feat indeed, considering my weight.

We blew ultra small balloons for the last station so that they wont get burst easily. We split our og into 2 and competed against ourselves. In the end, we got mixed up and forgot our respective teams. No one paid much attention to the ogl in charge, he looked kinda pissed off. After that, which was the last game station, we took the leftover orange balloons and started a mini balloon blowing competition. They looked like gigantic orange pears. lolx. if we were to use clarice as a scale, clarice will be the size of about 2 balloons. well, either the balloon is huge or she is teeny? hahax

I cant believe that yanshun never knew that amy, chewy and me existed. I thought 4j girls were notorious for being crazy, noisy and a little too high pitched. Maybe he knew our names but not us in person. The school can be so small huh? but he changed my impression of him, i thought he was dao and arrogant in the past.

Orientation Day 1

First day of orientation was rather messy and boring. To add to it, I was duper unlucky and had to do forfeit with liyan. I think we both felt rather toyed, fortunately our og, made up of mostly s04, was super kind and did not go to the extremes. Our ogl was expecting too much of me when she told me to kiss liyan. All i could do were audio effects but i think she wanted more than simply noises. Seriously, request only what u are able to do. I have to admit i was du diao when she did not want to do the forfeit that she suggested for other people when she ended up with it. It was something like making a girl to rub the chest of another guy. bleahx.

My partner, dianyang, ran away after the first slot of mass dance. So i decided not to dance and stand at the grandstand to watch the rest below. This ogl, whom i think is ip, told me, chong and heng to go and join them for mass dance. If u can count, u will realise that that makes 3 which is odd, fotgetting the fact that girls partner guys. I replied that i dont have a partner. He said, " just go and dance, dance by yourself la, nvm one." Amy motioned me to come over so i did. She told me i should just join in the dance though i dont have a partner. It really isnt a big deal to dance alone, so i did anyway pretending that i had an imaginary partner. Maybe it really wasnt a big deal until this pinafore girl (from rgs i think) turned around and told me that I looked really funny.

pinafore girl: "you look really funny dancing by yourself."
me: "haha, u mean i look stupid ar?"
pinafore girl: " no la, its just funny."

ok i think i get wad she means.

heng and chong came to join me after they decided not to pon school, failed at the attempt or realised that i wasnt there with them and came back( least likely). Well, still leaves me with no partner because i couldnt be bothered to whine and fight for one.. lolx The exact same ogl who told me dance by myself found me or his compassion perhaps, when the last song was about to end. He danced with me anyway, though we exchanged roles because i was dancing the guy part originally and felt too lazy to change.

just when i thought it was impossible for everything to get worse, hanjie said hi to me when i was about to walk up the grandstand and sixun was sitting next to her, which probably meant that they both saw me. Saw how i stupidly and enthusiastically danced by myself like an idiot. That should have won equal amounts of laughs and sympathy. Sometimes, I should just act cool and play with my fingers. And that was the exact timing to do just that. At least i wouldnt feel like digging a hole and burying myself in it.

* i did a personality test recently and i belonged to this group similar to what i identified myself to be. what coincidence. So, to others who are like me, the advice is...

".... However, you might have such an adaptable personality that you sometimes seem to lack your own core identity. Take some time out and spend some quality time on your own."

I dont really know what it means but maybe its to spend time doing what you like.

Zero Identity

I dont know what is wrong with me. Just cant help changing myself, everytime my environment changes. I dont know how to define myself, like how others dont know how to define me. All i know that is positive about myself, from what some others say, is that I am a nice person. But nice is really not anything. Definitely better than not nice but it is still not something. Maybe i should be contented with the fact that at least some people think that i am nice, but when it is contrasted with the negative aspects of my character, nice seems somewhat pathetic. There are no lack of defined terms to describe me when it comes to negative stuff. Like antisocial, unpredictable, weird and dao etc. Those seem well defined and specific huh..

I dont know if others change to adapt to new environments. I just think that the current me is not me. This me doesnt even know what she wants in life. Spent like eons trying to decide on a subject combination, and a few more trying to reaffirm the decision, yet i decided on staying put in fm in the end. That was after i went for the bio selection test and after i studied almost half of the yellowish textbook. I think i want to be a doctor. Soon, I think it will be I thought I wanted to be a doctor. darn.

gazillions of people asked me whether i was staying in touch rug. gazillions of neurons told me not to be stupid and spend all 6 days in sch for rug and band combined. gazillions of fat cells told me i should sit contentedly in the chair not starve them off.

i think i need to be a little more selfish sometimes. chewy was right all along. i am making myself miserable on my own accord. maybe there are really some people who dont need or give a damn about me being nice to them.

Some Quiz

Your Brain is 80.00% Female, 20.00% Male

Your brain leans female You think with your heart, not your head Sweet and considerate, you are a giver But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

i dun even think i am that female.

HeARTS in Harmony

Went to the concert above which is held at singapore poly auditorium with chong and shuheng today while others went to hwa chong band concert. Not that i dont want to go to hc concert but i couldn make it like how i barely made it to the reunion dinner. I bet xinling was fabulous as usual. Anyway, we went to watch chong's younger sis who is in kranji primary school. Nothing bandish was involved in the entire concert except this teacher who hardly could play the drumset during the harmonica ensemble performance. If shuheng thinks that even i can play better than that teacher, that teacher must obviously be very pathetic since I am pathetic to start with. hahax..

Min is so cute! She didnt hear our cheer despite us sitting in the third row from the front and the fact that we cant possibly be soft. Maybe she didnt expect us to cheer or something. Although i personally cannot understand how engaging playing 2 pitches in a song can be, it sure is adorable to watch primary school children all geared up in uniform and white gloves playing handbells. I think there are different sorts of handbells but most of them looked like big ding dong bells, the ice cream sort.

While I am proud of her, I feel pity for myself. In the entire of my life, my parents have never been to any one of my performances, whether it was indoor or outdoor, free or not. Eventually, I realised that location wasnt the problem because they never turned up at anyone of them, be it botanic gardens, istana, sentosa, vch, esplanade or even the miserable school hall. As a result, I grew to be immune to their lack of presence, immune to how some enthusiastic parents always be able to turn up with cameras.

At least min wouldnt have to grow up in this shit, I was one of her three supporters! And such a long and loyal family friend.. hahax

Watching primary school children prancing about made me think of having my own children. We all thought that amy was mad when she said she wanted a dozen after she watched cheaper by the dozen. I think we all still do and so does her herself but when u see so many primary school children prancing about, the idea of having a dozen didnt seem so absurd anymore.. hahax dunno why.. maybe everyone should try go watch a p sch concert and get some inspiration. lolx

Happy Birthday to Meera and Angela!

Last Day of School

Quite a lot of classmates pon school today though it is like the last day of the term which will mean that we will probably not see many ever again. Not that Singapore is such a big place but the probability of seeing those who are not staying in njc is depressingly low. For the borderline people, this wait for the posting results must be pure agony. Life will really suck without nice people like doris and claire and many others who need to worry about getting a place in nj. Then again, I may not get to be in the same class as the rest staying because I am trying to change combi. But the change will only be possible if I successfully cram the 2 years worth of biology into my brain within the next week. Mission impossible it seems. Many dissuade me or “gave me insights” (according to dy hahax) because they say bio is difficult even for those with background knowledge. But I think I should just try my best and see how lucky or unlucky I am at mcq. haix I think I will miss my class a lot..

Watched another movie again at cathay cineleisure, this time round with my class. It burnt a hole in my pocket and resulted in me having to skip dinner in order to get presents for 3 really nice people with the rest of my money. I never knew that tickets cost $8.50 on fridays. Wasn it always $7.50? Not that one dollar makes a very big difference though. Will Smith is super charismatic la.. He is one of those rare people who can be attractive when he is actually not good looking. I was laughing throughout the whole movie and i think that it is a lot funnier than meet the fockers. Personally, I think Hitch is a great movie for people quite stupid and don’t like to think a lot, like me. So if you are seriously looking for some theme in a movie, dont watch it. All I learnt from the movie is that if I were a guy and I want to date extraordinary women I should just be myself. Not much to learn for my case since I intend to stay straight.

There is a great movie coming up! It is called Swing Girls. I assume its good only because it has the same director as WaterBoys which I thought was a great movie. Anyway, Swing Girls is about some Japanese high school girls playing jazz. So when I saw the poster I was telling doris that the band should come watch it together. Hahax Coincidently, a few minutes later, I saw edo. So, I went to tell him about it. He said yes but I could see that he was a bit put off by my over enthusiasm. Just so happens that I cant control my mood and I was feeling a little too high. Not because he said yes though, mood swings are kinda hard to determine. WaterBoys had a lot of eyecandy for females and I think Swing Girls is the reverse. hahax maybe that’s why edo said yes..

Finally, I can get lectures, tutorials, teachers and grey school out of my head. Even for only a week, it can be very comforting. I am so sick of school. So sick of everything but the food.

Stupidity

Sometimes i wonder if i am stupid or i am just blur. Had to go home after lunch yesterday to submit my jc choices because i tried too many times with my singpass wrongly that it became void, just like how the machine eats up the card. The website told me to try again 24 hours later or get a new singpass. Since it was already 1 am on monday, I figured out that 24 hours later would be the next day, way past the deadline.

reasons for not being able to submit earlier
1. My ic is always in the safe, which i dont know the configuration. (obviously)
2. I need the date which my ic is issued which i cannot remember. Can you?
3. My singpass request wasn sent.
4. The site was too busy, and couldnt sign in.

Sounds valid right? But honestly i think half the time, I was too lazy to do anything about it. Just like how i dont bother to do filing and how i managed to study O lvls without filing my stuff. I simply studied stacks of paper.

Went to watch Howl's Moving Castle with shuheng and chong, after submitting my choices. I reached cineleisure super early and waited til my enthusiasm died. They didn pick up my calls because it was too noisy in the bandroom. I felt so helpless on level four of cineleisure, sitting alone on the black sofa and dialling two numbers alternately. Futile efforts . Meanwhile, I was entertained by this dancer who was jerking himself to the beats of the para para dance machine in the arcade. I really do mean jerking. He would have pulled it off in the pub but honestly the mass majority of us were laughing at him. His confidence was commendable though.

Chong told me about how much fun she had in the bandroom. Like the ensemble etc. Shuheng's day was fine too. Mine was nice only because i missed double period of gp. Why is it that i only have nitty gritty stuff to make my day? Doesn matter la..

As i grow older, i discover my queer fascination with flight like how howl twirled sophie in the air and flew atop rooftops and chimneys. I am mesmerised by movies where there is magic and flying involved like Peter Pan, Harry Potter series and Hayao Miyazaki's animation. The reason to it is probably because i am disappointed with the real world where everything can be so unreal and people so hypocritical and deceitful. I doubt I can exclude myself from that set too. Hence, this fascination and the desire to live in fairy tales which is essentially sheer escapism. hahax pathetic me here.

Back to the movie, it was overall quite a good movie although I personally think all his movies dont have all the loose ends tied up nicely. However, i think its good enough to make me spend another $6.50 on it. There is a striking resemblance of the characters in moving castle, spirited away and princess mononoke, maybe because the animation is by the same artist. Great soundtracks though. Got them from chong who got them from qingyang who got them for free. With this kind of circulation, i doubt companies make any money out of cds. I wonder if we ever get to play the soundtracks in band.

Btw, I heard from chong that qingyang wants to read j1s blog. So to qingyang, if you are reading this. I would like to respond to your comments. Firstly, its nice to know that someone smart described my comments as witty. Secondly, i didnt take the scaring people part seriously, i just didn know how to respond to it when someone told me abt it which was eons after u left it as i never went back to your blog. And that probably also explains why i didnt leave my mark at your blog, not that i read sneakily and dont leave marks. hahax. Btw, to thank you for your compliment, u can form a fan club in band. Oh ya, similarly, leave your mark, :)

Impromptu

The idea of ponning school and crashing hc came out from one of our mouths and the next minute we are out of the school gate and smsing hc people.

The minute ago, I was busy tooting on my flute trying to right my embrochure and clarice was blowing her brand new clarinet. Yanru came along and we came to consensus right there outside the band room in less than 10 seconds.

I made my way back to my seat through the many chairs and players with one stand in my left hand and my flute in the right. Angela was setting her instrument and I was doing the exact opposite. Then, I walked out right in front of youzhi because he was sitting right behind me. How discreet.. I bet he would kill me if he knew what i was doing.

Three months ago, I would never have thought of ponning band. In fact, I never did the past four years. I was a "bandit" who faithfully went to every practice and dedicated all my life to band. Then again, I never will pon band again, because the guilt kicked in once i stepped out. I am such a failure. Hahax the mad rush made me forget it soon enough though.

Clarice probably was not noticed because she is physically 13 cm shorter and 10 kg lighter than me i think. Hahax And i think i was the only one who did not notify my section leader. We crashed the chem lecture after lagging like forever. Kangyu was having chinese studies. We sensibly decided that we shall give that a miss.

The lecture hall was spanking clean and uber big. Not to mention that the air-conditioners were blowing fresh cool air.

We went back to nj after that because there were no more lectures to crash. A really stupid thing to do because we went back to hc again after school.

Coincidently, the electricity tripped in lt 1 during fm lecture right after the visualizer finally decided to work, which is after a 30 min brought forward lunch break. Anyway, the aircon failed and the lights went out but strangely the visualizer continued to work. Some diligent people whipped out their hp and continued to copy notes whereas the slackers took the chance to lie down and sleep. I was doing neither because the former will zap up the really pathetic amount of battery that i have left and i was too lazy to press buttons every few seconds or so to keep the screen lighted. Really ironic that the lt chose to fail us today after we have just been to a fantastic hall in hc.

Genius mr. neo switched on the ohp to light up the whole hall after we spent the next ten plus minutes or so in darkness. Well, he received a hall of applause.

Resisting Changes?

I dont think i am leaving nj. I think all that attracts me to hc or rj are just the superficial things like facilities and only facilities. However, the only reason that makes me want to stay behind is the people. The problem is i dont even know if these pple are going to stay in nj as well, those who can choose to and those who cannot. Forcing those who can to stay here together with me is not feasible because it will only be out of personal selfish reasons. Afterall, I did encourage those who want to go over because hc does offer much better facilities and maybe education.

I dont think i can get in with my points unless through general appeal and l never join hc band as well because i would feel like a traitor. Its not that i am a super flautist or the band people love me or whatsoever. Loyalty clarice says. Maybe. The four years in band probably made me develop some form of commitment towards music and band. Honestly, I think I am doing very badly in the aspect of cca.

Four years in band yet my embrochure is wrong and i cant right it no matter how hard i try. And i keep bothering people to help me check if it is right. And it always isnt. Its not just me who is irritated by it, i think i irritated many others. I sound pathetic. god damn pathetic. I think i need more practise but i am already sick of it.