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Me. I turn on 21 January 7, 2009. I am a sunny island native stuck in a place that snows. |
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12:00 AM, Sunday, April 24, 2005 Irritation (written quite long ago) All this incessant talk about best friends reminds me of primary school. Remember the "if you dont do (blah) Personally, i think one person can only have one best friend. Either one you get along super well with or one whom you have been together for practically forever. For me, I know very clearly that i will either have one or none. Sometimes, best friends are inverse functions, distinctly one to one. To explain to the rare some who dont take maths, it means A is B's one and only best friend and vice versa. Sometimes, they are not. And sometimes there are people in the domain who dont have images in their codomain, meaning they dont have a best friend. Nothing wrong with that though since i think I am tipping over to that category. No harm in having none too. I see many who live happily without. If i need to fight for our friendship, I think I am too tired to try and defend it.You say its that i dont care enough. Its not that I dont treasure it but something formless which yet can fluctuate between impregnable and vulnerable is not what i can defend on my own. You say the distinction doesn matter. But no matter how hard i try, i cant change the fact that my brain thinks like the first sentence of 2nd para. You dont have to make a choice, I can be the passive quitter. Or in the first place, you will not have told me about it if you knew i would react and think this much, right? (on another matter) I see myself being replaced and how easy i am replaced. I see myself being forgotten. I see the impact i once made being erased. I see my unimportance. I hate myself for not caring in the past cause i do alot now. 2 words. What happened? sorry for making u read an entry filled with angst. in case, i got you thinking who exactly is "you"(first para). "you" refers to more than one person in every sentence. so there isnt really a "you" out there who is that horrible. in fact, its me who makes "you" appear so horrible because i might be making groundless accusasions. its horrible me. 12:54 AM, Saturday, April 23, 2005 my phone nokia 6260 lost. raffles city shopping centre ladies lvl2 5.00 pm I dont even pick up money i see on the ground. Be it 10 cents, other larger coins or 2 dollars. Never seen larger bills though. I return things i pick up. I donate to people at flagday. I do flagday almost the most enthusiastically. I help strangers who drop stuff on the road. Why is the world filled with so many other evil people? Why dont you want to return me my phone? Didnt you not see my desperation? "If you took my phone, please please please return it to me.." "I really need to get my phone back, i dont mind paying you money.. my parents will kill me.." "Just mail me my sim card, you can have the phone. please reply me." "u are female too. You know how its like to lose something important and cry buckets. please reply.. i can offer monetary reward." "you can leave it at the concierge, then i will leave the monetary reward there when i get it back.. you dont even have to see me.." "qing ni huan wo dian hua. qiu qiu ni. hui da wo." and another in malay. i sent more sms than what i listed above. I called almost every 20 secs til midnight yet I was replied with "the singtel customer you have reached is not unavailable. your no. will be sent via sms to the subscriber's mobile phone. thank you" How heartless.. i cant believe you are female. You switched the phone off. I cant believe my luck. Raffles city shopping centre is always filled with young working adults and rich taitais. Why did i have to meet with one equally selfish and evil? Maybe i am going to develop toilet-phobia. Why is that I never get back things that i lost? Be it wallet or handphone. Maybe i look detestable from the photo of my ezlink. Maybe she was jealous of chong's pic which was my display pic.. watever the reason. maybe its just my stupidity that i always lose things. i hate myself. grrr 1:23 AM, Friday, April 22, 2005 Communication Breakdown A: Where is C? B: I dont know. B hasnt been home since the last night. D: C is at *. A: Why didnt you tell B? Its been one whole day and you dont give a shit about it? I cannot believe how selfish you can be. D: You think only you care about C? I dont care?! How am I supposed to know that B doesnt know? Its not that B told me anything anyway. I even asked her where C is. You two dont even tell me anything. How am I supposed to know that you know or not? when its usually you 2 who keeps things from me.. or even dont bother to tell me things. How am i supposed to know that you are not trying to keep it from me this time round. B: C didnt tell me where C is going to. I cannot control C's life. C is already an adult. If that's the way C wants to be, so be it. A: One cannot be bothered. One knows and doesn tell anyone. i cannot understand both of you. D: So again. Its my fault? Its my fault for thinking that you all already know since you all always dont tell me anything? Great. Great communication. We shall all continue to keep our mouths shut, concentrate on telepathy and live in the elusion that we are all psychic. Meanwhile, C is stuck somewhere. A family of alphabets.. go figure. 1:19 AM, Thursday, April 21, 2005 updating... will be finishing half written entries really soon like by friday.. I didnt use internet for one week plus except maybe to km. too much stuff happened. cant finish writing them for sure. sorry for not updating.. 11:38 PM, Wednesday, April 20, 2005 Happy Stuff Rvcb got gold with honours last friday, 14 April! They played With Heart and Voice by David Gillingham. i cant say that it was the best i ever heard them play but when i heard them, i almost cried. There were 2 flute solos in the song. I was so afraid that it would go haywire because i know they will cry buckets if anything of the sort happened. I am so proud of the flute section, so proud of cindy and paula, so proud of the whole rv band. I see the peak of the rv flute section, something that i thought our batch, was with guangmian around, and how much every individual grew after we left, after we made way and gave them space to grow. I see cindy's potential, the fact that she's only sec 3 yet her solo caught the attention of many, including conductor mr. oura. if only i am a good player, then perhaps all the rv cindys can be remembered as pro flautists. Cheers for weiyi, charlene and ernest 2! u 3 made the percuz section sound darn cool.. I will never forget 14 April, especially how long we queued for the tickets. (nearly 4 hours) 7:45 PM, Thursday, April 07, 2005 I am now eating cup noodles in front of the computer. Artificial seafood flavoured. Hot from microwave oven. Made in Singapore. Zero nutritional value. I remember once, when I was five or six probably, I saw a man eating noodles from a styrofoam cup. I said to him,"Hello. What are you eating?" "Cup noodles." "What are cup noodles?" "Noodles in a cup." "Nice?" "Nice." And then I asked, "But why put noodles in a cup?" "That I do not know." "Why are you eating cup noodles?" And he looked straight in the eye. "I am a lonely man. Lonely people eat cup noodles. A cup is only enough for one person.People with noone to share with eat cup noodles." I walked away. And here I am, ten years later, alone and cold in a darkened room, eating cup noodles in front of a computer which cannot talk to or love me. I am experiencing a epiphany here. A fucking epiphany. cup noodles in an empty room, the story of my life. k i updated.. but i took this from somewhere else.. hahax it made me think a lot though.. nv thought much of cup noodles til i read this.. if you wanna know this person's blog, can ask me personally.. all her stuff are quite thought provoking. |