no unintentional intentions.

Me. I turn on 21 January 7, 2009. I am a sunny island native stuck in a place that snows.

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the subtle differences

maybe because i was never exposed to a very different family environment,
i never realised that i led a very different lifestyle.

but it only took 2 hours in this family, to make an impact on me.

i watched how they moved around in their apartment, listened to their conversations and watched their interactions.

then, i tried very hard to recall. but i dont think anyone ever held a book and read stories aloud with me. nor did anyone watch me do english assessment books, mark them for me and explain my mistakes to me.

but i do remember doing all these assessments. this was when i realise i must have done them myself. the reason being there was someone else who needed undivided attention and also had more reason to require such attention.

i basically grew up in solitude. and it was something i didnt realise. perhaps until now. maybe that explains why i used to be so obsessed with the telephone.

i wasn poor. i had a set of parents who loved me. and a brother. i was never deprived of something i really really wanted and was essential. but was i a happy kid? i cant really put my finger on that question. but i did smile myself silly in photographs if u need any evidence for happiness.

i asked myself if i would want to trade lives with this little girl. ironically, i dont want to. i am not sure why. but maybe the reason to it is that i never felt any form of pity for myself.

i was having dinner with my tuition kid and her entire family around this small round table. there was this casual conversation going on, then out popped this seemingly harmless question.

"how do you usually have your dinners?"
i answered that i eat my dinners with the tv. haha
but it wasn funny.
in fact,it was followed by a brief but definite silence.

did i sense sympathy? if I did, then it was a feeling i have never felt for myself.

I guess my parents felt that there were other priorities when they thought about how to raise me up. And maybe reading a book with me, just didnt happen to fall under one of them. They were not wrong. To be honest, nothing is truly black or white. Just because they choose to read books with me, doesn necessarily make them perfect angelic parents and if they dont, they are negligent unloving ones. Ultimately, they are simply choices. Whether or not they are right lies in this great big patch of grey. And hence, i dont think judgements should be passed.


howw lucky some kids are. haha but sadly, i believe or i choose to believe the mass majority, which i am a subset of, do not enjoy such luxury of love.

dont get me wrong, but we do grow up to become stronger and more independent individuals. (: