no unintentional intentions.

Me. I turn on 21 January 7, 2009. I am a sunny island native stuck in a place that snows.

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candy

this book exists because one morning as the sun was coming up i told myself that i had to swallow up all the fear and garbage around me, and once it was inside me i had to tranform it all into candy. because i know u will be able to love me for it.

a 2nd read lately that is both vivid and disturbing yet written in some detached manner. i dont get how some pple can write about things that affect them so much in a way that seem as if they dont really care.

howl's moving castle



i absolutely love this. its so beautiful! i suspect the pianist is joe hisashi himself. (:

(edit) a working link and it is him! haha

topsy turvy

u know when people say double trouble. there is really some truth in it. and like if u think u are already drenched in a downpour, wet to the skin, it cant possibly get any worse. i tell u, you are so wrong. u might just get striked by the lightning.

i couldnt believe my ears because the optimist in me assumed that everything will be alright. that there wouldnt ever be tragedies happening in my life. i thought life would be just marshmallows and strawberries with some occasional dark clouds, that will ultimately go away, as long as i choose to be optimistic and also oblivious. but when i am forced to face the truth, i simply cannot accept the most likely outcome because accepting it would mean to stop fighting against it happening. it would mean to lose all faith and allow the worst to manifest. that cannot happen. just simply cannot.

but i suddenly wonder if believing in a miracle is self denial or just simply holding onto the slightest glimpse of hope.

however, when u try to fight against something that only the omnipotent can control, u know its most likely a lost cause. but u still keep trying anyway. and at the same time, u have to deal with all the screaming in your head that goes 'dont do this to me'.

i witness a family unit trying so hard to keep it together and also another, with a member trying so hard to break out of the unit. its so freaking ironic.

today is mother's day. naturally, u would think mothers will stand to gain something. or at least maintain some kind of status quo, but not really. they chose today to break the news. unintentionally or not. i no longer bother to kill my brain cells thinking about it.

even if i close my eyes and pretend that i cant see anything, the reality is still as cold and harsh.

and whatever it is, be strong.



my blogger is screwed up.